The curse of memories
by Winnehkitteh
Summary: A series of one-shots,  that will be continued in chapters  about moments of Snape and Lily's life, and the delicate intermingly story that is their tragedy. The curse of memories is forever. Please read, you won't regret it!
1. Chapter 1

_After all this time?  
><em>_Always._

1.

"She's just jealous that you're magical and she isn't." Severus spoke softly, his long-fingered hands almost touching hers- Lily's.  
>"That's mean Sev." She replied automatically- with her soft voice like bells, but Severus knew it made her happy, which is why he said it. He wanted to be someone that she could depend on, understand.<br>Severus watched Lily walk over to the pond, and reach for something beneath its surface. Severus got up immediately, worried Lily would fall, hurt herself- she had a knack for getting into bothersome situations.  
>"Look." She muttered, as if she was concentrating very hard.<br>Severus watched as a white water lily floated in the air and landed on his fingertips. He was silent, struck by the strength of her powers…and everything else about her.  
>"Does it matter," She whispered, sounding scared and worried for the first time. Severus wanted nothing more than to take it away from her- a strong feeling that an 11 year old could hardly posses…but he could.<br>"Well, does it?" Lily said, looking for the truth in Severus's black-eyes.  
>"Does what?" Severus cleared his throat staring guiltily ay her, admitting he hadn't paid much attention- at that stare Lily smiled, and Severus knew that smile, that one smile would pardon and forgive anything he could ever do.<br>"Does it matter that I'm muggle-born?" She asked again, with that searching gaze, her smile small, worried.  
>Severus smiled, placing the water lily in the depths of her red hair. "Lily, I don't think it matters at all."<br>Lily laughed at this and pushed Severus's arm playfully. "Thanks Sev."  
>"And if anything Lily," Severus began to add, feeling braver than he felt. "You'll always be perfect to me."<br>Lily laughed again, the sound of bells and Severus smiled in return.  
>"I'll be sure to remember that Sev." Lily replied, lying back down on the grass again, with Severus following her automatically- for he always would.<p>

2.

Lily opened her eyes. She was still on the same couch, a newborn Harry snuggled in her arms. She stared at her son, her perfect son and smiled. He was the first thing she wanted to see in the morning and the last before she went to bed, because in-between the hours when she was not looking- she was thinking of Severus. It was not that she didn't love James- she loved James as she was emotionally capable- but that was the thing- her emotional capacity was so strained, so stretched sometimes it was not enough for James, but neither was it enough for Severus. Harry stirred in her arms- feeling his mothers discomfort and she cooed him back into a restful slumber. She wondered if Severus ever thought of her as much as she did. Days upon days she missed him terribly. He was her first friend, her first that she could depend on, her first for a lot of things in her life. She was no longer angry- and as she mulled over it whilst looking at the perfect sleeping face of her son- she was never angry. Not when he called her a mudblood, not even those countless times he refused her help, not even when he went to the Dark Side. Her last thought, as she put Harry in his crib and climbed into bed with James, was that she wished Snape knew, knew that she was no longer angry, and that she missed him- and oh how she wished it was as simple creating unity between two opposite sides in high school, than it was for The Order and Severus Snape.

3.

"Pass me the lacewing flies Sev." Lily breathed irritatingly, her fiery red hair gathering in clumps around her head. Severus couldn't help but laugh- even when she looked like a stressed-out mess she still looked beautiful.  
>"Don't laugh at me." She snapped, not looking up from the boiling cauldron. "I can never show my face in the Slug Club if I can't make this."<br>Severus became serious. "It is difficult Lily- maybe you-"  
>"Don't say it Sev. If you tell me to stop I will throw newt eyes at you." Lily threatened, finely slicing the lacewing flies.<br>Severus put up his hands in surrender and came up behind her, pretending as if he was watching her cauldron bubble, but in reality- he just wanted the scent of her to surround him; Lilies, the musky vanilla that surrounded their old park in the evening summers, Lilac (her own unique scent that emanated from her skin).

"I believe you crush them Lil." Severus added as if this had been a thought that had just occurred to him.  
>"I'll crush you in a minute." She muttered angrily.<br>"Oh really." Severus laughed, spinning her around. In their third year, only now could he do this, for as long as he knew her up unto this point he was too short to do this. Lily seemed as equally surprised- since when did he get so tall? Was it because she was so close to him?  
>"Sev." Lily breathed, not letting go, or pushing his arms as she often did, she found, strangely that she enjoyed it.<p>

"You always out-do yourself Lily. You should take a break- see the outside world for a change. I mean- I love the dungeons but not this much."  
>"I…I guess you're right." Lily said, feeling guilty that for the past three days she had dragged Severus here almost every chance she got.<p>

Outside the air was warm, the sun shining beautifully across the grounds. Severus was ecstatic- finally able to be with Lily in public, outside in the sun where they spent their younger days.  
>"Try to cheer up." Severus requested, placing his arms on her shoulders.<br>At this Lily smiled. "Happy?" She asked sarcastically.  
>"Not when you aren't." Severus replied seriously, turning his head to look at her. Lily's breath was knocked out of her and she couldn't muster a reply.<br>"I don't think she needs your gigantic nose in her face Snivelly." Severus and Lily was rooted to the spot at that voice; the one voice that caused Severus so much anger, the voice that caused Lily to boil, to become protective.  
>"Leave him alone James Potter." Lily warned, holding tighter to Severus as if he was paper, and James Potter might set him on fire.<br>"Ay James, think we could give the house elves in the kitchen something to grease their pans with?" Sirius Black asked his smile sarcastic and mean, coming behind James's shoulder.  
>"Oh we could always use Snivelly's hair." James replied to Sirius, his smile echoing that of his best friend.<br>"Ha, ha, ha I get it!" Peter Pettigrew laughed to the side, not really part of the entity that was James-and-Sirius.  
>"Can't you think of anything more creative?" Lily challenged, glaring at the three boys. "I expect between the three of you, you could actually come up with interesting insults."<br>Severus bit his lip. He really didn't want to know what more creative things Potter could come up with. "Lily, let's just go."  
>"Oh Snivelly, so scared, don't run I was having so much fun!" Sirius called, jumping around James Potter laughing.<br>James laughed with him, to Lily he said. "You don't want to know the things I can come up with."  
>Lily glared once more at James Potter. "At least he has me." Lily huffed, running up to Sev and grabbing his hand.<br>That hand-hold made everything better for Severus Snape and Lily didn't even know it.  
>Those few words were so close to true for James Potter, and Lily didn't even know it.<p>

4.

Professor Snape, no longer Sev was wandering the corridors of Hogwarts. He did not like sleep, but equally so did he not like wandering the corridors. Every turn, every step was ones he took with Lily during his boy-days. Time he got to spent with her- memories that always haunted him. The corridor nearest to the Gryffindor Tower was where he would often wait for her, wait for the first sign of bouncy red hair, and that pure, good smile that would greet him when she saw him. He saw his memories- each and everyone- as if he was living them.  
><em>"Sev!" Lily would greet.<br>"Sunshine." He would always reply in the mornings to her.  
>"What do you have first?" She would always ask in that eager tone, always ready to learn…<br>"Breakfast Lily." He would sometimes say, trying to bring her mind away from studies.  
>It was at this point Lily would always smile at him, then she would talk about her time in the Gryffindor Tower room, and about how another silly girl teased her about her red hair, and some days, when she was feeling particularly down she would always say she was glad to have him, a perfect companion…. "I'm so glad you're with me Sev, really." <em>

As the memories became too much Professor Snape saw a light, a small globe of light that hung in the air. His first thought was a doe- his one and only connection of Lily….then as the light came closer…he realised it was Potter. Pulling his father's ridiculous cloak off Potter, Professor Snape stared with the mask of a triumphant evil smile- he was like James in so many ways that it gave him a twisted sort of glee to catch Harry Potter in an act. However those eyes stopped in his track…_Lily_ he always thought- _Lily, always._

Severus, not Professor Snape was furious. Potter, walking around whilst dementors surrounded the castle, whilst Sirius Black was on the loose-  
>'Now Potter," He began, constantly staring at Lily, always <em>Lily.<em>

**Oh this is my first Snape/Lily. I really hope you enjoyed! This will be a collection of one-shots because I can not possibly fit their chemistry, feelings, thoughts and memories all into one-shot. ;)) So bare with me and please, read and review! I also have another fanfiction called 'Hidden'- Dramione, check it out if a plot line is more your style ((: So- please enjoy, I really loved writing this, more to come with reviews. Thank you all. **


	2. Chapter 2

5.

Severus had gotten up extra early today. The sun was weakly beginning to rise for it was dawn and Severus was 'giddy' with excitement as he made his way towards the Gryffindor Tower. The date- for he would always remember it exactly was January 30th. If anyone saw the precise steps of exactly one thousand, one hundred and thirty-two that Severus was taking that morning they would see that his hair was no so greased, his clothes looked fresh, newly cleaned (for he had done them by hand) and that there was a small bounce in his step, it was small, hardly noticeable but it was there- nothing- _nothing _ could wreck this day for him, for it was the one day in the whole year that he could dedicate to Lily, one day that was absolutely, solely and purely her own.  
>He had sent her an owl that would specifically reach her bedside window at 6:03- the precise time she was born. Lily often found it sweetly unnerving that Severus remembered everything, but as she rest, unknowing that an owl would reach her in exactly four minuets, she dreamt of her hometown- so close to Spinners End…<br>Severus waited awkwardly in front of the sleeping portrait of the 'Fat Lady' holding the small package in front of him. He had thought about what to get her for weeks, every idea seeming an insult compared to her. Finally- with idea he thought not far as a week ago whilst he was producing a potion in the Slug Club- watching her- he had thought of it- the perfect gift.  
>Lily- still dreaming woke approximately at 6:03 in the morning to a soft yet sharp ruffle on her hair, her eyes opened widely to a glistening black owl, with mature green eyes and smiled, she wasn't afraid of animals. The glistening owl, seeing her, cocked his head as if studying her and then flew out the open window. She smiled and yawned, looking at the sleeping Gryffindor girls beside her. It was then, as the weak sunlight began to strengthen as the morning came quickly, that Lily Evan's noticed a note. It was written on incredibly rich parchment, decorated with white lace- she recognized the untidy yet elegant scrawl that she envied. <p>

Lily Evans;

I would greet you a happy birthday- but that simply wouldn't be enough,

Take the appropriate amount of steps until you are outside.  
>It's a surprise, x.<p>

Sev.

Severus's black owl hooted, in greeting and at this point Severus's nerves became almost unbearable. He waited there, his palms becoming sweaty. He was so nervous that he didn't notice much, not the almost inaudible swinging of the portrait, or the softened, muffled sound of the soles of shoes hitting the castle's stone floors.  
>"It was thirty-seven steps- I betted on three-hundred and ninety-four, but then I realised that would be too long wouldn't it." Severus almost jumped at the sound, Lily, Lovely Lily was smiling at him, that forgiving, pardoning smile, the very same smile that he first gave him those many years ago- and here, in their fifth year- that exact pardoning smile was still the same.<br>"Lily…"  
>"I forgive you." Lily replied automatically, the smile still on her lips, her green eyes glistening. Severus needed not be reminded of the cold shoulder she had been giving him for weeks- all because of Avery and Mulciber.<br>"For how long?" Severus answered, for he knew her too well.  
>Lily seemed to think about this for a moment. "We'll forget about it and move on from here." Lily seemed to find the words difficult to say- as if she wanted to say something more.<br>Severus beamed. "Happy Birthday, Lily Evans."  
>Lily looked up from her downcast stare and literally beamed at him. "Oh, Sev." She whispered, bravely hugging him.<p>

Severus froze, the hug warming him right to his centre. "Let's go." Severus announced, feeling full of excited energy. Grabbing her hand, his free hand holding her present he ran through the empty corridors, there footsteps echoing.  
>"Sev, we'll get caught!" Lily tried to say, but her voice was too quite to carry on- for she didn't need her voice adding to the ruckus of their footsteps that were in unison.<br>Soon they were out on the grounds, tendrils of mist hanging thickly in the air, light powdered snow covering the grounds- smartly so Severus and Lily were dressed to embrace the occasion.  
>"Sev what are you-" Lily's last sentence was stopped short by the sight she saw. Under a leaf-stripped, bare tree was the deepest red picnic blanket she had ever seen- a startling contrast with the white of the ground floor, and there on-top of that majestic rug, was an open basket, filled to the brim with her favourite food, and a bottle of what she suspected was butterbeer<br>"Happy Birthday, Lily Evans." Severus repeated, not letting go of her hand as he placed her down on the picnic blanket and sat across from her.  
>"Oh Sev!" She cried, flinging her arms around him once more. Severus savoured that hug- forever wanting to stay in it- too soon she pulled away, here green eyes glistening with tears of happiness.<br>"One more surprise." Sev whispered, the nerves coming back to him. At this point he began untying the perfect bow of lace that held the box together and Lily watched with intense fascination. The box, unheld by the restraints of the perfect white lace fluttered open, and with the help of Lily's persistent Charms studies, the box turned, and folded itself into paper birds fluttering around her head, playing with her hair, Lily laughed playfully.  
>"It will only open at your touch." Severus muttered quietly, he moved his open hands closer to hers, a smaller box lying in his palms.<br>However Lily didn't reach for the box at first, she reached for Severus's hands gripping them tightly.

"Thank you Sev." And she meant each word, down to the last syllable.  
>As if they were connected, no longer different entities, the box dissolved into a glimmering of gold sparks, and all that was left in <em>their <em>palms was a light gold chain (the chain was the pattern of intertwining vines with small flowers) and then, the chain held a beautiful gold water lily, perfectly crafted.  
>"I- I- I- was- I was hoping, when you see this- you- you- you would remember me <em>always<em>." He stuttered nervously, unable to carry the zeal and confidence he always wanted around her.

"Severus Snape- I will _always_ remember you." Lily replied with the exact zeal and confidence he was lacking.

…

6.

Young, nine-year old Severus Snape hang just outside his front house, not that his parents cared much for where he was, even in the dangers that was Spinners End, they would not notice, nor be bothered by the thought that he was gone. In the heat of the August rays he lay on the crusty, dead grass and watched the clouds roll lazily across the blue open sky.  
>"Yes," His mother hissed at the retreating back of his Father Tobias Snape, who wore an indifferent expression. "You go hang out with your muggle friends, and glorify in your muggle life."<br>"In case you were forgetting Eileen, I am a 'muggle'." He seemed to say without emotion, but the undertone hiss of 'bloody witch' was full of emotion, but only Severus heard.  
>"And you boy." He turned to Severus's lying body; Severus didn't bother to greet his Father in any form. "You aren't to be playing with anyone- stay inside with your Mother, were you two belong." Tobias emphasized the last bit loudly, placing himself inside his car and disappearing outside of Spinners End. His Mother didn't even bother looking at her Son before she begrudgingly walked into the house again.<br>Moments later, breaking the thick silence his parents had created in their wake, a young girls shriek bought Severus into an upright position. A frightened skinny girl with an incredibly long neck streamed down Severus's street on a rustic bicycle, screaming.

"Pet!" A voice yelled in response to the commotion, another girl, with thick red hair that billowed behind her came running after the screaming girl. Severus for some reason found himself frozen, right there on his front lawn, unable to move- and he couldn't comprehend why.  
>There was a crash and Severus was finally able to turn his head to the sound, the skinny girl with dark hair had fallen.<br>"Oh Pet I'm so sorry!" The red-headed girl apologized; she sounded as if she was almost crying…  
>"As you should be, you pushed me!" The other girl screamed back, not moving from her fallen spot on the pavement, right in front of Severus's house.<br>"Pet- Petunia I didn't do anything, I mean you were yelling at me, I got mad for only a second and then…" The red-headed girl's green eyes (green eyes with flecks of blue and surprisingly amber) seemed to glaze over with a tone of regret.  
>"Yeah of course, when I turn my head around, you sneak up and push me. Now we're here, in this poor, dirty place and all you say is sorry?" The skinny girl with black hair, got up, tenderly touched the graze on her right knee, glared at the red-head and began trudging with her bicycle back up the road, away from Spinners End.<br>"No, Petunia really I'm sorry!" The red-head called after the other girl, and eventually they were gone.  
>Severus sat there for a moment, pondering. <em>I got mad…for only a second…and then…<em>

_Maybe. _He thought to himself with reluctance. _It could pass the time…_  
>At this thought Severus removed himself from his lawn and followed in pursuit of the annoyingly bickering girl, and the girl with warm red hair…out of Spinners End…and into something unknown.<p>

…

7.

"Snivy, Snivy, Snivy, what should we do with him boys?" James Potter asked, as Severus, overcome with fear backed himself against a tree.  
>"Mount his head to the fireplace?" Sirius suggested much to the snigger of Peter Pettigrew.<br>"Urgh, his hair is much too greasy, and that nose, I mean, people might mistake him for a coat rack!"  
>"I have a plan." Sirius replied, his smile was dangerous and the cowering Severus did not ever want to see that look on Sirius Black again.<br>"No- stop it, now." Remus Lupin interjected, a look of pity on his face, Severus was disgusted.  
>"Butt-out Remus, Snivellus here deserves it." Sirius coaxed, jumping towards Severus and he reacted with a cowering shake his response making Sirius howl with laughter<p>

"Is your plan serious?" James asked Sirius, not taking his wand, or eyes away from Severus.  
>"Serious is my middle name." Sirius joked, winking at the still chortling Peter.<br>"Or your first." James smiled sarcastically, pointing his wand, ready.  
>A roar of laughter echoed from Peter, Sirius and the gathering on-lookers, anticipating what would happen next.<br>"Alright James, let's hang him upside down and remove his trousers, that ought to get a laugh." Sirius said, his tone challenging, daring James to do it.  
>James laughed menacingly. "I was thinking the exact same thing."<br>"No- Potter!" At this point Severus was suspended in the air, trousers down, Peter, Sirius and the crowd burst into laughter, pointing their fingers and shouting and calling names.  
>Remus Lupin took one look at the poor Slytherin; the pain etched on his face, the humiliation, and then Remus looked towards the laughing faces of his friends and he questioned them. They had gone too far. However, doing nothing to stop, Remus left the grounds and headed back to the dorms, the yells and pleads of Severus Snape burning in his ears.<p>

…

8.

"Mummy loves you, Daddy loves you." Lily whispered to her crying son. Her heart swelled, knowing her husband had died tonight, knowing she would soon follow, hoping against hope that her son would not be soon after- the pain was heartbreaking- a gold water lily, which was perfectly crafted suspended inches from her chest and dangled in the air. Baby Harry outstretched his arm, through the bars of his crib, and with his small fingers held on-to the chain as he often did. Lily held her sons hand, holding the necklace with her son and- for the second time she no longer felt like a separate entity.  
>"Be safe Harry, be strong." She whispered again, letting go of her son and standing in front of him, the lily on her chain was withering, beginning to die as Lily's will for her own life dwindled to nothing. A flash of green light burst from the crevices of the door and it burst open, revealing a figure she had tried so hard to beat- to finish- she had lost.<br>"Step aside; there is no need for you to die tonight." The voice was cold, unemotional. Lily Potter knew she would not step aside, that she would not watch her son die before her, and then to die herself.  
>"Not Harry, please no, don't kill him, kill me instead-" Lily begged as she placed herself between Voldemort himself and her beloved son.<br>"This is my last warning." He replied coldly and sternly.

"Not Harry!" Lily cried, the tears pouring down her face. "Have mercy….please- I'll do anything."  
>"Advada Kedava!" Lily screamed at the pain, she saw images of her life flash before her eyes, her wedding with James, her first glimpse of her son, and Severus, her and Severus and the park...and then her last image was her son, with her eyes, and his father's untidy hair. She loved all these men (including her little boy) that impacted on her life. Lily Potter died on the floor right next to her son- her gold lily dwindling to black, and disappearing all together.<p>

**Oh- well there we go! Sorry the wait was so long- thank you everyone who reviewed and read it I love you all! I hope this lives up to the wait and also if I could interject a note- I like to think Severus first encounter was not the day Petunia called Lily a freak, but the fact he had been watching her for years, gathering the right answers which led up to that point. Thank you so much and I hope you enjoy it! (Sorry to leave you on such a dark note)**


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